I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
