So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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