Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
