dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
