Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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