I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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