fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
