I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
