I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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