so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize