Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
