How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
