He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
