He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
