Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
