So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Do vagina's smell?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Randomize
