I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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