Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
