I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
