You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
