Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize