there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize