I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
