Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
that is very illegal...i love you.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
