Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Is Oprah even human
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
