New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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