So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My nipple is on Facebook.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
