i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
