I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
