Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
just come out here and I will go home with you...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize