but the lizard people decide everything anyway
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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