Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
