Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We left the knife in your bed.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
