I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
