The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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