ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
