Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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