we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
