so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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