Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize