I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize