he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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