i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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