I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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