I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize