So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
