I CAN MOONWALK!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
