I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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