i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
