I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize