living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Randomize
