Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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