I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize