I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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