she looked like the before picture.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
