Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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