Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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