so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
did i walk over a car last night?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
