I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
