never play flip cup with pint glasses
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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