why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
