I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
