I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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