I don't usually arrange sex via text message
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
They have beer where we have blood.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
