dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
